A big thanks to GLSEN who is a trusted resource for LGBTQ+ individuals and allies. They provide valuable insights and support for understanding sexual orientation and identity.
How do I even know who I am? I think I may be this or that, can anyone help me?
"Your sexual orientation is an inherent part of you, akin to the color of your eyes or the shape of your nose, and it cannot be altered. " In a society where discrimination against lesbian, gay, and bisexual individuals persists, accepting this reality can be challenging. It's crucial to confide in a trusted adult to navigate these feelings because denying or rejecting a part of oneself can impact various aspects of life. Acceptance and integration of one's feelings into their identity is a complex process that often requires support.It's normal to have doubts about your sexual orientation, even if you feel fairly certain. Understandings about sexual orientation often evolve over time, especially in a society where heterosexuality is commonly viewed as the norm. This societal pressure can lead LGBTQ+ individuals to suppress their true feelings to fit in, but many eventually realize they cannot pretend indefinitely and choose to come out. Attempts to change sexual orientation through prayer or therapy are not only unsuccessful but can also be harmful, as evidenced by research from the American Psychological Association. While behaviors may change, inner feelings of attraction remain unchanged.Sexual orientation is often determined by feelings of attraction and emotional connections to others, and nearly everyone, including those who identify as heterosexual, may question their orientation at some point, especially during their teenage years when self-discovery is common. Some people have a clear understanding of their orientation from a young age, while others may discover or redefine it later in life. Some individuals may feel confused or choose not to label themselves at all.Defining your orientation is a personal journey, and there's no rush to attach a label. It's important to take your time and listen to your feelings without pressure to conform to any specific identity. Everyone has the right to define their own sexual orientation, and there are various orientations beyond the commonly known ones, such as pansexual, demisexual, queer, or asexual. Some individuals may prefer not to label their orientation at all, and that's perfectly acceptable too.It's essential to remember that the only way to know someone's sexual orientation is to ask them directly, though it's not appropriate to do so without knowing the person well. Stereotypes about gender and sexual orientation can lead to misunderstandings and discrimination. For instance, assuming that certain behaviors align with specific orientations perpetuates harmful stereotypes and can lead to harassment for individuals who don't conform to these expectations.
How do I come out to a friend that I'm trans?
Many confuse being transgender with being lesbian, gay, or bisexual, but they are distinct. Sexual orientation relates to who we're attracted to romantically and sexually, while gender identity pertains to our sense of being male, female, both, or neither. For instance, one can be gay and transgender, or heterosexual and transgender. Transgender individuals may express themselves differently; some may occasionally wear clothing traditionally associated with the opposite gender, while others may do so consistently. Some feel their bodies don't align with their identity and may seek hormone therapy or surgery, but access to supportive healthcare, family, and financial resources can pose challenges for many.Do you feel it's unfair or dishonest not to share your gender identity? Do you want to feel closer and better understood, or are things becoming serious and you want to avoid future embarrassment? Maybe you think this person already senses something and you want to set the record straight. Consider how you’ll feel if the conversation isn't kept private, and think about the best and worst outcomes. Are you prepared for all possible reactions?If you decide to tell this person you're trans, choose the right time and place—private but not isolated. Clearly communicate if you want the conversation to remain private. Be ready to provide information, as they might be surprised or curious, or they might already be knowledgeable about trans issues. Have patience, as reactions can vary widely, and be prepared for questions. If you're nervous but not terrified, it might be safe to come out. If you're very scared, consider waiting. With increased societal understanding, coming out will hopefully become easier and more accepted.Do people choose to be trans?
Just as people can't choose their eye color at birth, being transgender isn't a choice. Gender identity, like skin color or height, is part of each person's unique makeup. Some individuals feel their assigned sex aligns with their internal sense of being male or female, while for others, this alignment doesn't exist. The decision isn't about choosing gender but rather about how to be true to oneself. It's important to note that gender identity differs from sexual orientation, which refers to who one is emotionally, romantically, and sexually attracted to.Contrary to popular belief, being transgender isn't something that can be "cured." While professionals can offer support and guidance, there's no medical treatment or therapy that can change one's gender identity. Trans individuals face daily decisions, from whether to come out to choosing how to navigate public spaces in alignment with their gender identity. These choices can range from simple to complex and are integral to living authentically.
I heard you bleed during intercourse, is it true?
People used to think you could tell if someone was a virgin by checking their hymen, a thin membrane partly covering the vaginal opening. However, the hymen can tear due to activities like bike riding or sports, and some people are born without one or have one that doesn’t tear. Bleeding during first intercourse isn’t a reliable sign of virginity.In many cultures, bleeding during the first intercourse is still seen as proof of virginity, but this is outdated. Virginity can't be determined by a physical exam for either girls or guys, even by a doctor.It's common to wonder if having sex for the first time will hurt or cause bleeding. Some people experience pain or bleeding, while others don't. This can happen because the hymen, a stretchy piece of skin partially covering the vaginal entrance, might get stretched or torn. However, many hymens stretch or tear before sex from activities like bike riding or gymnastics.Painful sex often results from too little vaginal lubrication due to insufficient arousal during foreplay. During arousal, the vagina produces lubrication to make sex more comfortable. If not aroused, the vagina can be dry, making sex uncomfortable. Using water-based lubricants can help.It's also important to be relaxed and ready. Nervousness can make sex painful, so being with a trusted partner who communicates well can make the experience more comfortable and enjoyable. If you experience intense pain, stop and consult a doctor to ensure everything is okay.
When is the right age to do it?
It is typical for individuals to begin considering sexual activity during their teenage years. Puberty sparks curiosity and heightened awareness of one's own sexual desires and the sexuality of others. At times, these emotions can be very strong, leading people to believe they must take action to make them disappear. This is not correct.Just because you are aroused or desire sexual activity, does not indicate readiness for intercourse. Having a fulfilling sexual experience involves more than just experiencing desire or wondering what sex feels like. Having a strong and trusting relationship with your partner is crucial before engaging in sexual activity.Having sex can lead to both positive and negative outcomes. Sex is merely one of several methods of intimacy with a partner, yet it carries significant risks such as pregnancy and contracting sexually transmitted infections (STIs). If a person is not prepared for sexual activity, they could experience remorse afterwards or come to the realization that their decision was not a wise one, wishing they could undo it.Some teenagers discover that masturbating can alleviate their sexual urges when they become too overwhelming. Masturbation occurs when an individual stimulates their own body for sexual gratification. It may lead to climax on occasion, but it is not necessary.In the end, you will determine when you are prepared to engage in sexual activity with a partner. Make sure you are able to have honest conversations with your partner about your boundaries and preferences. For instance, you may be at ease kissing and caressing while fully-clothed, but are not interested in anything beyond that. Both partners should be aware of each other's boundaries to avoid anyone feeling pressured, uneasy, or regretful afterwards.Eventually you will be prepared for sexual activity. A lot of teenagers choose to wait until they have finished high school or are in a serious relationship, such as being in love, being together for a while, or being married. When you feel prepared, discuss the decision with friends, parents, or a trusted individual. Make sure to also have a conversation with your partner about it, and ensure that they are on board as well.Chances are, if you take the necessary time to ensure you are prepared for sex, you will likely enjoy it and not have any regrets in the future. And that's the whole idea, right?
Is it counted as rape if...
If someone forces or pressures you into any kind of sexual activity after you've said no or were unable to say no, it's rape or sexual assault. This holds true even if you know the person, are in a relationship with them, have had sex before, or were engaged in sexual activity but changed your mind. It is also considered rape if you were asleep, drunk, high, or passed out, or if the person had given you gifts or taken you out.Remember, no means no. When you say no to any sexual advance, the other person should stop immediately. If something unwanted is happening, say "No" and move away if possible. Consent requires an enthusiastic yes, and not saying no isn't the same as giving consent. If you're uncomfortable saying no, then any yes has no meaning.It's never the fault of the person who was assaulted. Dressing a certain way or any other behavior does not mean you "asked for it." There's no excuse for violating someone's boundaries. Rape and assault are always the fault of the perpetrator. No matter your relationship or past experiences with someone, you always have the right to say no to any sexual activity. If someone doesn't respect that, it's sexual assault or rape, and it's against the law.People who are in love might choose to have sex, but sex won't necessarily make you or your partner fall in love. If you're hoping that sex will create love, you might end up disappointed.Sex and love mean different things to different people. Sometimes, sex can make you feel like you're in love, but this can be misleading. You might feel in love because of the physical pleasure, not because of an emotional connection. Physical intimacy can make you feel vulnerable and excited, but it also opens you up to potential emotional hurt.Couples who take their time to build a friendship before becoming sexually intimate often develop a stronger emotional bond. This emotional closeness can lead to a more comfortable and fulfilling sexual relationship.
What if I get someone pregnant? Or what if I get pregnant?
Discovering an unplanned pregnancy, whether through a home test or clinic visit, presents three main options: having an abortion, arranging an adoption, or becoming a parent. This decision can be particularly challenging, especially for teenagers. It's often helpful to discuss the situation with the person involved and seek advice from a trusted adult. Ultimately, the choice lies with the pregnant individual, and it shouldn't be swayed solely by the desires of parents or partners.When deciding, it's important to consider your unique circumstances and what aligns best with your life. Reflect on how you feel about abortion, carrying a pregnancy to term for adoption, or becoming a parent now. Think about your short-term and long-term goals, your educational plans, your financial situation, and the support systems you have in place. Answering these questions can help clarify the best path forward for you.Whatever choice you make, it's crucial to act promptly. If you decide to proceed with the pregnancy, arrange prenatal care and start exploring adoption agencies if necessary. If you opt for an abortion, it's best to do so early in the pregnancy. Making an informed and timely decision will help ensure you receive the necessary care and support.How do I tell my parents?Telling your parents about an unplanned pregnancy can be daunting, but finding the right time and place for a private conversation can help. You might consider bringing a supportive friend or another trusted adult along. Start by expressing that you have something very important to share and acknowledge the courage it took to come forward. Then, just be honest and tell them.Parents or guardians can have a range of reactions to this news. Remember, they've had less time to process this than you have, so they might need some time to adjust. Most parents ultimately want what's best for their child, including in situations like this.If you feel it’s not safe to tell your parents, seek advice from another trusted adult, such as a teacher, counselor, healthcare professional, community leader, or relative. Having their support, either in person or emotionally, can make a significant difference and ensure you feel supported during this challenging time.
What if my partner doesn't want to use protection?
Using the motto "Safer sex or no sex!" emphasizes the importance of condoms for protection, but not everyone readily accepts them. Ideally, discussing safer sex before engaging in sexual activities can deepen emotional intimacy and align expectations regarding protection and sex. However, challenges arise when trying to negotiate condom use during moments of arousal, vulnerability, or under the influence of substances.Preemptively addressing condom use allows couples to anticipate issues and communicate effectively about their needs and concerns. For instance, expressing the desire to use condoms demonstrates care for both partners' well-being and the future of the relationship. If a condom breaks or slips off during intercourse, prompt action such as stopping sex immediately and using emergency contraception within five days can mitigate risks.Despite societal pressures or romantic ideals, prioritizing protection against unplanned pregnancy and STD transmission is prudent. In our country where there is a concerning rate of the rise of STDs, an open dialogue about condoms and sexual health fosters trust and mutual understanding between partners. It's crucial to recognize that discussing condom use doesn't equate to committing to sex, and individuals always retain the right to withdraw consent at any stage. Difficulty in discussing condoms may signal the need for reevaluation of readiness for sexual activity, as protection is integral to responsible sexual behavior.What if my partner turns out to have STD? Do I have one too? Should I get tested then?It's commendable that your partner shared their STD testing results with you, reflecting their commitment to your mutual sexual health and open communication. Initially, you might feel surprised, but addressing the situation constructively is key.Start by expressing gratitude to your partner for their honesty and inquire about the timing and specific STD they tested positive for. If you've engaged in sexual activities, it's crucial for both of you to undergo testing to determine if you've been affected similarly. Informing a healthcare provider about potential risks aids in targeted testing.Even if you've been recently tested, it's prudent to undergo testing again, either through a healthcare provider or at a local confidential clinic. Follow the healthcare provider's guidance meticulously, especially regarding medication adherence, for effective treatment of bacterial STDs and symptom management, reducing viral STD transmission risks.Lastly, consider notifying past partners if there's a chance of transmission. While determining the source of infection can be challenging, informing previous sexual partners about potential exposure demonstrates responsibility and encourages them to seek testing and treatment if needed.Can people with vaginas wear condoms too?An internal condom, also known as a "female condom," is a nitrile pouch designed to be worn internally, either in the vagina during vaginal sex or in the anus during anal sex. It consists of a closed end with a smaller ring for insertion and a larger ring that stays outside the body. During vaginal sex, the smaller ring is inserted into the vagina and fits around the cervix, while the larger ring remains outside to guide penetration. For anal sex, the smaller ring is removed, and the condom is placed over the erect penis, with the larger ring staying outside the anus.These condoms offer protection against pregnancy and STDs when used correctly, preventing transmission of diseases like HIV, gonorrhea, chlamydia, and syphilis. However, their effectiveness depends on proper usage, with perfect use preventing pregnancy about 95% of the time, while typical use reduces effectiveness to around 79%. Like external condoms, they may not provide complete protection against STDs transmitted through skin-to-skin contact, such as herpes and certain strains of HPV.Opinions on internal condoms vary among users. Some find them stimulating to the clitoris, enhancing pleasure during sex, while others may experience discomfort or slipping if the rings rub against the genitals. It's important to note that internal condoms should not be used simultaneously with external condoms to avoid breakage and ensure protection.
What should I do if my vagina smells?
The vagina naturally maintains cleanliness through a daily discharge that expels dirt and bacteria. This discharge varies in consistency and may be white and pasty or clear and stringy, resembling egg whites, especially during ovulation. Notably, some days may exhibit no discharge at all.Understanding your vaginal scent and discharge is important for detecting any abnormalities. A stronger or "fishy" odor, coupled with greenish or grayish discharge, itching, or soreness, could indicate issues like yeast infections, bacterial infections, or STDs. It's crucial to seek medical attention if you notice any of these symptoms, regardless of sexual history, as some infections can occur even in individuals who haven't engaged in sexual activity.Vaginal pH test options
Gyneocologist recommended hygiene productsI'm afraid I'll smell bad down there during oral sex...Concerns about vaginal and penile scent or taste are common among individuals. Maintaining good hygiene through regular bathing or showering helps ensure a normal scent and taste. Every vagina and penis has a natural odor, which is perfectly normal.For those particularly worried about vaginal scent, gently washing the vulva with water and mild soap before sexual activity can alleviate concerns. Similarly, individuals with penises can wash their penis and scrotum with water and mild soap for reassurance.Dietary habits can influence scent. Consuming plenty of fruits and vegetables, avoiding high-fat foods, and opting for water over sugary drinks promote vaginal health. These practices contribute to a balanced and pleasant scent and taste during intimate encounters.Speaking of the body, do guys ever feel insecure about themselves too?While discussions about body image often focus on girls, boys face similar pressures and concerns regarding their appearance. Society often dictates that girls should be extremely thin, while boys are expected to have large, muscular bodies. This societal pressure may prompt boys to start weightlifting at a young age, which can be detrimental to their still-developing muscles, tendons, and bones.Some boys may even resort to using steroids to enhance their physical appearance, despite the serious health risks and legal implications associated with these drugs. Even over-the-counter steroid supplements sold in health stores can pose health hazards.In addition to concerns about muscle size, boys also worry about aspects like hair, skin, penis size, and overall appearance. However, societal norms may discourage boys from openly discussing these insecurities.Boys who feel insecure about their bodies should seek support from a trusted person in their circle to address their concerns and navigate societal pressures in a healthy manner.Body image is dynamic and can fluctuate over time. You might wake up feeling fantastic one day and less so the next. As you age and your body changes, your perception of it can also shift.A healthy body image involves appreciating your body, including its unique features, health, strength, and abilities. If you struggle with body image, focusing on your strengths and the things that make you feel good inside and out can help reshape your perception over time. Learning to value yourself for more than just appearance can lead to a more positive self-image.